III
her voice a faint memory
I will still choose her
I can only imagine
we see the same sky
he ponders the depths of god
how can they exist
but what about her desires
or her happiness
not asking its opinion
about how it grows
cares not for human reasons
the captors of flight
how I love the creation
of the universe
when who changes everything
appears in your life
voices return in due time
anxiously waiting
never trying to forget
thinking about you
always in my memory
the sound of your voice
beauty and kindness of you
we will meet again
threads of divine fate will mend
our true connection
oh Shakti, Durga, Kali,
give strength and freedom
recalling the time once had
dancing with the past
flickers ever longingly
the state of my heart
chosen devotion teaches
there is much to learn
wishing to be born of it
forced to discover
remnants and traces of her
I can't stop checking
reticent thoughts get darker
don't want to let go
in trying times of contempt
a vision of you
stunning smile she doesn't show
the one I behold
when I don't know it myself
how to be normal
the will of the people has
without guiding thought
the reality of things
shadows on the wall
never thought it could get worse
when it comes to life
surpasses expectations
continued despair
why my lover disappeared
I'm still here waiting
doesn't want to see my posts
suggested for you
to take refuge in seeing
her name every day
imagine the joy we'll have
after the last page
all of this lost time apart
rewinding the clock
one's life changes for the best
loving surrender
our lives will grow together
trusting in the gods
a decision I won't doubt
my mind is made up
people forgot people have
intrinsic value
marginalized groups don't get
moral agency
disobeying social rules
for you it's worth it
betrayal from friends, love lost
winter of the soul
friends felt uncomfortable
and didn't tell me
to help me repair friendships
easy to discard
they just talked cast me away
profound loneliness
never getting close again
my heart is broken
got an answer I believed
but meant another
that I did nothing wrong but
talks behind my back
misunderstandings persist
I just don't get things
not intending them to see
got blocked anyway
now lives in my memory
pray she finds lost voice
to reading some more poems
from the one I love
this Odyssey will end with
just one olive tree
extra painful, yet needed
have given a thought
agree with all that was said
hindsight is 20/20
not physical vices which
distort decisions
to have thought more clearly and
with more clarity
if these things were done to me
without being told
not apply because, people
are just different
it should have be I to see
what was obvious
the same baseline of comfort
regretful moment
our minds are not connected
and must use the words
a language I can't translate
could be black or white
and turned on the closed captions
reading between lines
damage was done can't take back
the mistakes in love
never needed the body
only the forehead
ideas of love instilled
from such a young age
pretending to know what's right
when you're just so scared
someone who is masculine
regretting the script
called gay if you wait for her
expected to lead
it's different with you but
hurt you anyway
remains my greatest regret
it's not who I am
I directly hurt myself
feeling every day
like you're putting on a show
you, I want to know
cause the deepest wounds in us
it comes down to the fact
that I love you so much
your life merely become a
tabula rasa
humanity inflicts on
its inhabitants
becoming something better
we will together
I will give you oxygen
even if it hurts
what I love about your art
and about our lives
the most beautiful art is
always with texture
from my favorite poet
hope they feel the same
I think of them every day
have started to pray
devastation and longing
please let us survive
endless in my heart and mind
this special person
sit for hours and talk to them
waiting for that time
we won't have to rush anything
us doing it right
mistakes and hurtful actions
will never repeat
suffer alone forever
I will be there too
able to pay therapy
healing together
the only thing I want is
us to get better
adopted by your culture
learning to love it
it has brought into this world
want to embrace it
your religion is helping
truly surprised me
in what's important to you
a year of learning
if you're about to self harm
screw the rules call me
this special person to death
I'm always right here
but I'm still supposed to die
long before you do
let that big beautiful brain
die before I do
is my devotion to this
will be unyielding
should've, could've, would've, yet
putting faith in God
the garden, park, museum,
and temple, with you
is finally possible
our freedom beckons
that the second poem
didn't make me cry
directness and the other
more on subtlety
easy to hurt each other
let us work on that
that this had to be written
had too much hubris
the villain in your story
need a good ending
never would I willingly
betray your consent
was never the intention
tried to make it safe
doesn't invalidate the
actual results
can let it go easily
the flesh just contains
it seemed the best way to find
if only I knew
can't forgive myself for what
my love has gone through
her life would have been better
if I left before
the weight of my foolishness
knowing I'll be here
like on those old Pinterest
boards we would post on
but still figure it all out
ending together
still move past the negatives
can have bright futures
believe in the possible
doing all I can
know should keep the poems short
the words infrequent
to talk to the one I love
hardest thing ever
lessons learned, cut people off
she was always right
support her from a distance
forever loving
the best type of work to help
us in the future
together doing our thing
just sweet happiness
everything you've taught me will
be repaid to you
to reading more from my dear
beautiful poet
enough to raise my spirits
those wonderful eyes
the most comforting thing yet
please don't let it fade
keeps randomly changing but
know my love won't change
check profiles all the time and
hope to see you there
horrors of the outside world
mind is the refuge
can and will be used against
found out the hard way
this new me learned from failure
alone is safer
not everyone involved has
such faithful resolve
knowing it brings me closer
to prosperity
called that, but makes me feel like
I know her deeply
that she's ever made for me
precious reminders
concern and care for my pet
fell in love right there
helped me realize this girl
I couldn't give up
keeping short, words views and posts
it's still comforting
won't make that mistake again
but glad to see y'all
every single one of you
the people I miss
wish I could know how life's been
wish I could be there
in your every endeavor
say it's forever
the first I truly believed
the forms of Durga
we will do this together
all that I pray for
choosing between them felt like
the end of my life
feels like giving up my life
but it's her love too
one love isn't a person
I choose the person
I will always choose to go
my love lives through her
I didn't even hug her
only in my dreams
come changes in the weather
changes to our lives
wonder if she's having fun
and hope that she is
to the new generation
and they love her too
how lucky they are to be
taught by an angel
who puts their needs before all
of course they love her
think about the dancing queen
and how hard she works
try to keep going in life
just a little bit
hope she has eaten enough
and talks to her friends
miss the carefree nights with her
envisioning it
marvel at how this world works
how long a year feels
recall all the work she has
hope she can sleep well
I can't sleep and my head hurts
silently crying
what I thought was possible
you are not alone
if you're tired of the world and
dont know what to do
and the wait seems way too long
you are not alone
to get through each day intact
you are not alone
can't put yourself together
you are not alone
for things we're told are not right
you are not alone
actions we cannot take back
you are not alone
wonder why it went so far
you are not alone
spiraled out of your control
you are not alone
feels like it's all a misstep
you are not alone
to choose a path you don't want
you are not alone
what others can do, not us
you are not alone
like your purpose is now gone
you are not alone
don't know what's right or what's wrong
you are not alone
understanding is so hard
you are not alone
maybe they won't get better
you are not alone
risking it all for a chance
you are not alone
will they stay, as they promised
you are not alone
we'll get through this together
you are not alone
and all that comes with choosing
you are not alone
working for the best outcome
you are not alone
I'll be there to exorcise
you are not alone
who's always thinking of you
you are not alone
always try to be the best
it's in my nature
watching me try my hardest
and be my best self
death is all I can think of
wish he was still here
now another joyless one
now I know scary
the name of an offering
bring dead back to life
find their peace eternally
in a cloud of smoke
along with the light of life
swept far, far, away
I may never find solace
I try anyway
not seeing what life is like
melancholia
the crystal clear aria
her voice in my brain
people could say I'm obsessed
me, it's a promise
it's called some reassurance
I give to you now
learning how to build my work
and calm myself down
trying to make things better
want to make you proud
must be for you too of course
think of you always
I promise not to either
I miss you so much
I try to stay active but
nothing compares now
reminder to keep moving
still try every day
for when I see her again
need to be better
I've finally become a
Vegetarian
want you to do what you love
it's so important
might find an unexpected
bit of assistance
handled things but I'm
proud of loving you
strong spirit of the badger
through the darkest nights
forgotten or doesn't care
I feel so alone
into a joyous person
hearing from someone
and not to your detriment
to do some writing
to who I think of always
but I'm so grateful
we're improving the same things
so happy to hear
go do what was put away
I've done similar
truly thinking about life
just makes me more sure
or be unreasonable
just do what you love
I'm proud of you for living
and being yourself
is better as long as it
remains being you
the same concept of the self
I'm improving too
the way I think about you
a beautiful soul
of the fun food I've made too
plants are delicious
some of the tasty dishes
just a little shy
of the one who inspires me
I happily eat
somehow learned to surrender
got me through some days
ways I thought impossible
I understand now
I already loved temples
I guess it makes sense
please keep doing what you love
you have my support
and make sure you eat enough
I believe in you
and it's an emergency
you know who'll be here
some help in your back pocket
if you ever need
I'm so sorry for it all
can't say it enough
we walk around hand in hand
garden of my dreams
never throwing you away
even in hard times
one I don't think twice about
and I don't regret
this is your reassurance
and it helps me too
for thinking you felt the same
I could only pray
have many stories to tell
that would make you laugh
to look over with humor
and good times ahead
thus expanded is my head
reading before bed
many topics, themes, and jest
that weighed on my chest
Hereditary movie
just with my mother
demonic worship was shown
I ate pumpkin seeds
I wish to know in your life
and to tell you too
to catch up on and discuss
it will be so fun
that's all that truly matters
what I care about
or at least one of those please
I'm praying for it
is I'll be here sequestered
until the right time
our great metamorphosis
before eclosion